Drowning in chaos

February 18, 2025

Drowning in the chaos

Yesterday, I chose to hide in movies by the end of the day. In an alternate world. I escaped.  I was bombarded with DT news yesterday.  Even hearing one, I suppose, well-meaning, young 23 yr old Republican saying (paraphrased) that “Everyone wants what DT is doing”.  And, only a few hundred demonstrated at our MN capitol today.  I heard a clip of a,  I suppose well-meaning, older lady expressing very unclear reasons why she was demonstrating against DT.  I find myself reading Panama’s and Ukraine’s and Europe’s responses to DT proposals and siding with them. I feel as if I am living in country in which I don’t identify.   He’s NOT my president.   THIS OVERWHELMS me and I have to LEAVE IT sometimes.  I have a sense of dread and fear that bad things are going to happen.

On the other hand, my morning scripture readings and CAC meditations are emphasizing to me, how important changing myself is. How important it is to live in the world I am in.  With all my faults, with all the imperfections of others and society as a whole.  Without recognizing this, there is no need for my relationship with you.  Turning my inner and outer self to dwell in Him.  Not to dwell in the dim light of the world.  Forgiveness of “my enemies”.  Praying the Our Father.

A dream I had last night was very emotional.  A man (DT?)  walked into my house.  I turned my back on him.  He tried to schmooze me, literally gently he leaned forward on my left from the back and tried to kiss my cheek.  I told him to “LEAVE me alone”.   I expressed anger at him.  I did not want him near me.  Then I said to him “I’ll get over the anger, but not now…”.   Why did I say that?  Who was this.  In the dream I really felt it was DT.  In reflection, I usually find I have to turn my dreams on end to understand them.  So was the man you, Jesus?   Am I to see you in all people, even in DT.     Am I really to pray for him.  He who will likely “blow up” some part of the world.  He who welcomes evil philosophies and appears to be an egomaniac showing no compassion.  How?  Is anyone else?  What will it matter?  Should I reach out to Maryann Budde? Is there someone in my little communities that I could pray with?  When? Where?    Show me Lord. 

Today’s reading in Mark, you say to your disciples, ” Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod”.  Then you say to the disciples “Do you still not understand?”   I wonder if you were saying, pay attention to what I can do.” I feed the 5 thousand with 5 loaves, and the four thousand with 7 loaves.”    “Why waste your time with attention and worry of the powerful?  Set your eyes on me, tune your ears to my voice, soften your heart to my people. I will walk into your house of chaos, your house of dread, your house of anger and gently be with you, even if you say “leave me”, I am there.  I give you the gift of feeling my loving presence.”

Light of the world, I pray this morning as your sun comes over the hills and shines through the tree tops into my front window: “The voice of the Lord is over the waters, the LORD, over vast waters.  The voice of the LORD is mighty; the voice of the LORD is majestic.  The Lord will bless his people with peace.”  Ps 29.     Thank you for your presence in my life even though I often just turn my back to you and become overwhelmed in the flood of chaos.  Help me to remember your loving presence today.