Seeking The Light

Author: csaintnp

  • Seeking the Light: Inspiration

    January 31, 2025

    The last two days, the self-doubt demon has got me by the tail again.  My thoughts sound like this “Why write down my feelings and thoughts? Who wants to hear what I think?  What difference will it make?  I am not new to writing a “journal”, I have years of pages.  I have stopped writing for extended periods before for a variety of reasons, I’ll likely stop again.”  These thoughts are hard to shake. 

    Here are some reasons that I chose to write my thoughts, especially during and after prayer time.  When I pray and write I feel God’s word more deeply, I focus and pray better, I can find peace and joy in small things.  When I pray and write since January 20, I feel more connected to God’s reign and less adrift in chaos.  Re-reading the post on January 26, I am struck that it was only 4 days, from my post about day-light overcoming dim-light.  And, by January 26 I was adrift in chaos and fear, until I re-oriented with the bible readings of the day. I lose focus, I lose touch with memory, I get distracted way too easily.  I’ve learned this lesson before, and yet stopped the writing before.   One example was during the Pandemia.  I remember the fear of an unknown like no other. I prayed and wrote then,  and I eventually stopped writing again.

    I’m choosing to keep my inner self (my soul) oriented on the Light of Jesus Christ, on His healing.  I believe that this orientation toward Him, is a NEED, not just a desire a want.  It’s always been a need.  These TROUBLED times emphasis to me again, it’s a need.  Jesus, send me the Grace to keep focused in you.     

    Choosing to see  signs of Light in the world. 

    The joy and the full body involvement in life that Vivi Lou has in everything she does.  My granddaughter is 27 months old and life is clearly a gift she is enjoying. 

    Becky Schuller’s newspaper column in the Pine City Pioneer (Minnesota) January 23, 2025:  “I imagine that there are amazing neighborhoods (with amazing neighbors) through out Pine City where kindness is a common occurrence. Yet in a world obsessed with social media, kindness doesn’t seem to make the news any longer, and the negativity is always getting the spotlight.  As I embark into the new year at the Chamber office, I’ve set a goal to focus on the positive things in our community and shine a light on all of the good things that are happening here.”

    February 7, 20205

    https://www.facebook.com/share/v/12EVdHJUzd2

    From CAC (Center for Action and Contemplation): The prophets continue to invite us into this fearless commitment to the values of liberation, love, and justice. The prophet knows their calling is not tidy, pretty, or neat. It is a trudge through the mud of life alongside the few who believe in the same values and hold the same commitments.   
    —Cassidy Hall, Author and podcaster Cassidy Hall 

    I hope that you can watch the above video. See the joy in Laura’s call as she works to create a welcoming space in this small area in St Louis. There are angels amongst us!

    Let brotherly love continue.
    Do not neglect hospitality,
    for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels….for he has said, I will never forsake you or abandon you.     Hebrews 13: 1 & 5

  • Seeking the Light: Remember

    Rejoicing, huh?

    January 26, 2025

    …For rejoicing in the LORD must be your strength!  Nehemiah 8:10

    This past week, I have allowed myself to get sucked into the disfunction, chaos and disturbing proclamations from DT.  My email feed, has more DT “Breaking news” this week than almost anything else.  The first few words, drag me into the morass that his words and actions so often fling me.  Even listening to MPR (Public radio) is treacherous if I’m trying to avoid news generated by his spinners.  A useful thing I heard though, was that he intentionally saturated “the bandwidth” with presidential proclamations and other ideas to scatter focus.  Those who disagree with any of his actions don’t know where to concentrate first.   Well, dang, I think he has been probably effective in that. 

    I want NOT to have this narcissist and his actions be the fearful content of my day.  The past week, feels like it’s been “forever” since he was sworn in.  As of 12:31 pm today, it hasn’t even been 7 full days yet.  How will I get through the next years in a hopeful, joyful, fruitful way?  How do I stay informed without getting riled up every time I listen or read the news? 

    Today bible readings for Catholic mass included the above quote.  “Rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength.” The phrase immediately jumped out. If I want strength through this long dimly-lit culture of the next 4 years, I need to Rejoice.  Huh?   What is there to rejoice in?  There is too much gloom generated, spoken, and done that is flooding into my world.  When and how do I find the stuff that causes rejoicing?

    The setting of the quote from Nehemiah and the gospel today from Luke have shed some LIGHT on this.  Our parish deacon pointed out that the Jewish people where listening to the “Torah” standing for most of the day before they laid on the ground crying.  They had been 70 years in exile and this was the first time together as a people they heard the Torah proclaimed.  They were overwhelmed.  Then Nehemiah, Ezra and the Levites said….”“Go, eat rich foods and drink sweet drinks, and allot portions to those who had nothing prepared; for today is holy to our LORD. Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the LORD is your strength!”  Hmmmm.

    In Luke’s gospel.  Jesus reads the scroll from Isaiah.  “He unrolled the scroll and found the passage where it was written: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.  Rolling up the scroll, he handed it back to the attendant and sat down, and the eyes of all in the synagogue looked intently at him. He said to them,  “Today this Scripture passage is fulfilled in your hearing.””    Or, translated by me he said:  “I am in the world and all these GOOD things are in the world.  This is the time of my reign.”   He didn’t say some time in the future is my reign.  He said now, his historic time, even though there were lots of evil, bad, unjust, terrible things going on. He says (my take on his words)  “Look at all the things of worth and frankly miraculous that are going on, you can see glad tidings now, you can rejoice now”.    

    As a follower of Jesus, I believe his reign is NOW too.  His presence is here today, not just 2000 years ago.  Why am I letting myself be overwhelmed with the current day evil?  Why aren’t I looking at and for the “miraculous” now and seeing the “glad tidings” now and “rejoicing” now? 

    Lord, Light in my life, help me remember your presence now in the world.  Help me do this every day. Then, teach me to rejoice and live in your strength.

    Ah! Pope Francis asks us to remember

    January 27, 2025

    From Pope Francis Homily, on the 6th Sunday of Ordinary Time.    “The Lord has not spoken to us as silent listeners, but as His witnesses, called to evangelize at all times and in every place,” he said. “Let us commit ourselves to bringing the good news to the poor, proclaiming release to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, letting the oppressed go free and announcing the year of the Lord’s favour.”  from Vatican News   

    Our spiritual leader, a Light in this world, calling us to be this light for others in this world, in this time. 

    Remember: my healing

    January 29, 2025

    A leper came to him begging…, “If you choose, you can make me clean.” Moved with pity, Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, “I do choose. Be made clean!” —Mark 1:40–41   

    From the reflection from CAC (Center for Action and Contemplation) on Jan 29: 

    Brueggemann imagines those healed by Jesus singing Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” 

    “A lot of lepers are still in the night. But they wait for the morning when comes healing. This faith of … Jesus and the church is not a moral code or an ideology or a quarrel. It is rather a performance of transformation, of old made new, of lost found, of dead made alive. And the whole cosmos is filled with the singing of ex-lepers, the saints of God who attest that gifts from the holy God are given that make for life. ”

    Remembering my healing.

      I lived in a gray cloud of unhappiness most of my teenage and young adult years; even into adulthood, young married and parenting life.  What changed was I saw an image drawn by St Hildegard of Bingen.  She was being shot with arrows from three demons.  I recognized my own malady.  This day, I can’t even definitively say all their names:  I know two were named the demons of self-recrimination and self-consciousness.  The third was something like self-hatred…but I know at that time I did not call the demon that.  I remember praying for Jesus, to remove those demons.  From that moment on, my inner self was free from the strangle hold they had on my every thought.  I felt a new ability to live my life without those constant devils torturing my thoughts and affecting my happiness.  I could see beauty in nature, in my family, in the physical gifts in my life and feel joy; this was a feeling that was new to me.  

    As I re-read the above, it reads to me as a small event; it wasn’t.   Occasionally, I have an echo of those demons saying to me….”you weren’t worthy of that healing…what have you done since?”   I recognize the deception of that statement right away and can put it easily aside.  Instead, I recognize the truth of the event when “my weeping lingered for the night, but joy came in the morning”.  

    Whenever, I doubt your presence Lord, I remember that healing in my life.  Instead of life in dimness, instead of life in a suffocating gray cloud, I live in the warmth and illumination of your Light.  Although, I am not all you call me to be, yet, “your favor lasts in my lifetime”.     I pray the words of Psalm 30:

    I praise you Lord, for you raised me up and did not let my enemies rejoice over me!

    Oh Lord, my God, I cried out to you for help and you healed me.

    Lord, you brought my soul up from Shoel; you let me live from going down into the pit.

    Sing praise to the Lord, you faithful; give thanks to his holy memory.

    For his anger lasts a moment; his favor a lifetime.

    At dusk weeping comes for the night; but at dawn there is rejoicing. 

  • Seeking the Light

    January 22, 2025

    News story of God’s Light today:  Bishop Mariann Budde Episcopal bishop of Washington and the National Cathedral.  She spoke with humility and gentleness to DT and asked him show mercy.  “You have felt the providential hand of a loving God. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now.”   She said “gay, lesbian and transgender children…fear for their lives.”   She also used her sermon to ask that Trump grant mercy to families fearing deportation and to help those fleeing war and persecution.    From NBC and ABC coverage

    On Wednesday, one day after she delivered her remarks in front of DT, Budde said the following on The View that her responsibility on Tuesday was to reflect and “pray with the nation for unity….As I was pondering what are the foundations of unity, I wanted to emphasize respecting the honor and dignity of every human being, basic honesty and humility…. And then I also realized that in unity requires a certain degree of mercy and compassion and understanding….I found myself thinking, there’s a fourth thing we need for unity in this country — we need mercy,” she told RNS in an interview on Wednesday. “We need mercy. We need compassion. We need empathy. And after listening to the president on Monday, I thought, I wasn’t going to just speak of it in general terms.”   This info from Jack Jenkins, National Catholic Reporter.

    From The Times interview, Budde was asked  “Have you received threats? Do you feel in danger?”  Her response:

    “The real people who are in danger are those who are fearful of being deported. The real people who are in danger are the young people who feel they cannot be themselves and be safe and who are prone to all kinds of both external attacks and suicidal responses to them. So I think we should keep our eyes on the people who are really vulnerable in our society. I have a lot of support and a lot of safety around me, so no, I’m not feeling personally at risk. Although people have said they do wish me dead, and that’s a little heartbreaking. It was a pretty mild sermon. It certainly wasn’t a fire and brimstone sermon. It was as respectful and as universal as I could with the exception of making someone who has been entrusted with such enormous influence and power to have mercy on those who are most vulnerable.”

    Being the Light

    January 23, 2025

    A small contribution to the light, I think, can be to validate and encourage those who are courageous in bringing light to the world.

    I wrote an email to Rev Mariann Budde thanking her for her example of humble courage, for being God’s light today.  (info@cathedral.org).

  • Where is the Light?

    January 2025

    Waking around 6 AM on January 20, 2025, out my east facing window, the world is dark.  I don’t turn on any lights in the house, purposefully, so my eyes can adjust to the shades of dark.  One street light sheds a pale-yellow light. The shadow of a spruce tree stretches into the cul-de-sac.  It’s minus 20 below Fahrenheit and the skies are clear.  I don’t see the moon, but it must be around because there are fainter shadows from other trees on the thin layer of snow.  None of the evergreen or deciduous tree structures are in detail to my eyes, except the outline of the trunks.  No wind is blowing.   This is my quiet and prayer time.

    My heart is heavy.  I worry about what is happening to the country and in the time in history in which I live.  I am aware that I should pray for the man who will be sworn in as president today.  With sarcasm, I agree he needs it.  I struggle to wish him well.  And I wonder how the culture in which I have grown, worked and raised children, condones him.

    I watch the night turn to day.  It is so slow.  The details of the upper branches of the trees become visible first because of the sky lightening behind them.  The pale-yellow light of the lamppost still is brighter than the sky.  Gradually, the white of the snow on the ground becomes more prominent.  The shadow from the lamppost though, still reaches to the center of the cul-de-sac.  I walk to the kitchen in the dark house, to get coffee, and when I return to my seat at the east window, I see details of the evergreens and young-oak trees with hanging-on dried leaves.  A bit later the carpet in my living room has detail.  A few minutes more and the light of the sky, overshadows the pale-yellow of the lamppost, causing the evergreen shadow to disappear in the cul-de-sac.  The light now illuminates everything outside my window and declares the lamppost light insignificant. 

    I am wearing black today.  I half-heartedly wish I could start a movement.  We all wear black until he is out of power.   I am grieving the loss an illusion.     My illusion has been that the USA is and will always be a beacon-a light of hope, a refuge for down trodden, a land of opportunity, a law-abiding people, a compassionate and generous people.   After all, that is what I was taught in school and heard from the leaders of my country, until now.  As an adult, I realize that my country has always been imperfect, my illusion has never been absolute truth.  But in a state of deepening gloom, I think things are different now.  This leader, he does not pretend to strive for virtuous things.   Instead, this leader chooses words and actions of which I am ashamed.  He pardon’s January 6th rioters and violence perpetrators, perpetuates the lie that he won the 2020 election, cancels diversity programs, excludes LBGTQ as people in the government, states that Greenland and Canada should become the newest states, declares the GULF of Mexico The Gulf of America.  This uncompassionate, vain-glorious stance that the leader of my government proclaims is not how I want my country to be. 

    I believe that daylight will prevail over the deepening darkness and gloom; just as the lamppost light feels like the only source of light at night but becomes insignificant when the sun has risen.   I want to concentrate on the light, not the gloom, not the darkness, not the “dim-light”.    I want to commit to recognizing day-light in every day.  And, I want to look for opportunities to be day-light that may encourage others in their day. 

    Lord, Light in my life, help me.