Seeking The Light

Tag: jesus

  • To You I Lift my Soul

    The readings today are  Jonah 3:1-10 , Psalm 51 and Luke 11:29-32. The theme of the readings is harsh. I’m not drawn to them. A city awash in sin behaviors, hears Jonah’s message and everyone from king to servant repents, and God’s relents. Jesus says “”This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it, except the sign of Jonah.” I don’t like this verse. It’s so stark. “This generation is an evil generation”. Jesus, is being so blunt. Why? I am sitting her 2000+ years away and it’s like whiplash “Wait, What?” If someone said that today, so bluntly…I would likely write him off.

    And yet, I know the society I live in is not perfect. There is greed, deceitfulness, self-serving actions/agencies/people, apathy toward pain, hunger and suffering, very rich and very poor, inequality….the list goes on. More importantly, I know that I am not perfect. I incorporate into my daily life many of societies abnormal norms. Most, without acknowledgement but as a “right” of being an upper class American.

    Jesus says “this is an evil generation”. When I let myself hear it, my response is shame. Appropriate. I rarely get to the next response, though. I think about “giving to the poor or the food shelf”. Then, life’s responsibilities fill in my mind and the response is muted. Action is needed, but my will to do it is weak. Some other response is needed.

    David wrote this deeply personal psalm (51)

    Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
    in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
    Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
    and of my sin cleanse me.

    A clean heart create for me, O God,
    and a steadfast spirit renew within me.
    Cast me not out from your presence,
    and your Holy Spirit take not from me

    Did David experience this inconsistency of heart and spirit? He sounds as if he believes, that even though his response to God is weak , God’s love for him is goodness, is greatness, is compassion, is cleansing, is steadfast. How else could he ask for these things?

    Jesus says to the people in the reading above:
    “and there is something greater than Jonah here.”

    Jesus, I believe your presence in my life has more power and influence even than the words of Jonah (which changed the behavior of an entire city of people ). It’s like you’re saying to me “Wake up! and after you recognize what is happening around you and within you, hold fast to me….I will see your through…I am greater than the evil within and without you”.

    OK, I’ll take that. Help me hold fast to you, seek your face every day and have the fortitude to be the action you need in the world today. During this Lent want to turn toward you.

    I am listening to this beautiful prayerful song from Hope Publishing by Hannibal, as a way to sit in God’s presence, in His mercy and in the warmth of His light.

    To you, Lord, I Iift my soul, Lord I place you in control. Those who wait upon you will be blessed. Show me, Lord, which path to take, guide me in each choice I make. I am yours and I long for you each day, comfort me I pray. Lord, my heart I give to you, with my hands lift praise to you. Guide my feet to follow in your ways. God will pardon every sin, make me pure and whole again, in my soul residing day and night, warming me with holy light. Bring me out of my distress, guard my soul and deliver me. Heal my brokenness, bring me peace and rest. I wait upon you, Lord.

  • Finding Hope in Despair: A Personal Reflection

    WHY DO YOU CARE?

    March 5, Wednesday 2025

    Today’s reading include Joel 2:

    Even now, says the LORD,
    return to me with your whole heart,
    with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
    Rend your hearts, not your garments,
    and return to the LORD, your God.
    For gracious and merciful is he,
    slow to anger, rich in kindness,
    and relenting in punishment.

    And psalm 51: Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
    in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
    Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
    and of my sin cleanse me.
    R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
    For I acknowledge my offense,
    and my sin is before me always:
    “Against you only have I sinned,
    and done what is evil in your sight.”

    So, I read these. I think about my life, who I am in this world, who I am in the eyes of God. I read Richard Rohr’s meditation today and the poem by

    The Palestinian poet Mosab Abu Toha expresses the devastation of grief and the longing for peace:  

    I wish I could wake up and find the electricity on all day long.  
    I wish I could hear the birds sing again, no shooting and no  
         buzzing drones.  
    I wish my desk would call me to hold my pen and write again,  
      or at least plow through a novel, revisit a poem, or read a play.  
    All around me are nothing  
    but silent walls  
    and people sobbing 
    without sound. [1]

    I think of (and see in my mind) the revolting scene in the White House, where the man who is suppose to be our leader (and God help us-is) showed pettiness, lack of self control, vindictiveness, ugliness of spirit. Not only him but several others; one who looked gleeful at the outcome of the meeting. I saw some sit on the couch with obvious distress (hopefully embarrassment) and say nothing in support of the Ukrainian president.

    Why, Lord? Why would you continue to care about us? Our fickle, petty, vindictive side, cruel and evil side are so present in the world and have been for millennia. Why do you care anymore about us? Where do you get the compassion, the forgiveness, the hope for and in us?

    What do you need me to do? What do I say? What do I do? I ask, but hope you don’t ask anything hard. Such is my heart. Forgive me, let my ears, eyes and heart be open to the needs you show.

    How many times do I have to fall into despair? How many times will you be there to whisper and say “I am here…I love you…all will be well…hear my words, listen to my commands, see my kingdom and people around you.” Lord, I need to hear that daily. I need to be reoriented to you daily. Is there an action that I can do daily that will center me in you?

    Rejoicing hardly feels appropriate these days. There is too much sadness, too much disappointment, too much pain, too much evil.

  • Drowning in chaos

    February 18, 2025

    Drowning in the chaos

    Yesterday, I chose to hide in movies by the end of the day. In an alternate world. I escaped.  I was bombarded with DT news yesterday.  Even hearing one, I suppose, well-meaning, young 23 yr old Republican saying (paraphrased) that “Everyone wants what DT is doing”.  And, only a few hundred demonstrated at our MN capitol today.  I heard a clip of a,  I suppose well-meaning, older lady expressing very unclear reasons why she was demonstrating against DT.  I find myself reading Panama’s and Ukraine’s and Europe’s responses to DT proposals and siding with them. I feel as if I am living in country in which I don’t identify.   He’s NOT my president.   THIS OVERWHELMS me and I have to LEAVE IT sometimes.  I have a sense of dread and fear that bad things are going to happen.

    On the other hand, my morning scripture readings and CAC meditations are emphasizing to me, how important changing myself is. How important it is to live in the world I am in.  With all my faults, with all the imperfections of others and society as a whole.  Without recognizing this, there is no need for my relationship with you.  Turning my inner and outer self to dwell in Him.  Not to dwell in the dim light of the world.  Forgiveness of “my enemies”.  Praying the Our Father.

    A dream I had last night was very emotional.  A man (DT?)  walked into my house.  I turned my back on him.  He tried to schmooze me, literally gently he leaned forward on my left from the back and tried to kiss my cheek.  I told him to “LEAVE me alone”.   I expressed anger at him.  I did not want him near me.  Then I said to him “I’ll get over the anger, but not now…”.   Why did I say that?  Who was this.  In the dream I really felt it was DT.  In reflection, I usually find I have to turn my dreams on end to understand them.  So was the man you, Jesus?   Am I to see you in all people, even in DT.     Am I really to pray for him.  He who will likely “blow up” some part of the world.  He who welcomes evil philosophies and appears to be an egomaniac showing no compassion.  How?  Is anyone else?  What will it matter?  Should I reach out to Maryann Budde? Is there someone in my little communities that I could pray with?  When? Where?    Show me Lord. 

    Today’s reading in Mark, you say to your disciples, ” Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod”.  Then you say to the disciples “Do you still not understand?”   I wonder if you were saying, pay attention to what I can do.” I feed the 5 thousand with 5 loaves, and the four thousand with 7 loaves.”    “Why waste your time with attention and worry of the powerful?  Set your eyes on me, tune your ears to my voice, soften your heart to my people. I will walk into your house of chaos, your house of dread, your house of anger and gently be with you, even if you say “leave me”, I am there.  I give you the gift of feeling my loving presence.”

    Light of the world, I pray this morning as your sun comes over the hills and shines through the tree tops into my front window: “The voice of the Lord is over the waters, the LORD, over vast waters.  The voice of the LORD is mighty; the voice of the LORD is majestic.  The Lord will bless his people with peace.”  Ps 29.     Thank you for your presence in my life even though I often just turn my back to you and become overwhelmed in the flood of chaos.  Help me to remember your loving presence today.