Seeking The Light

Tag: prayer

  • Take my hand and follow me

    There is a before January 24, 2026 and an after. Before doesn’t matter much anymore, it is in the past. I will say that I had been scrambling for a foothold most of January, and then the hand of Jesus pulled me back onto his path. He said “follow me” and his Spirit of calm confidence found a home inside my skin.

    I am an ordinary Minnesotan. Daily I choose to follow or be tripped off the path and scramble around. My reality is most days I scramble around.

    Thanks be to God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ (I mean that seriously), I was back on the path when January 24th happened. The killing of Alex Pretti, seen so starkly, brought me to trembling & weeping. I have been sitting, standing, and praying in tears, but mercifully on His path.

    Here is what I saw, heard and felt in the days preceding, during and after January 24, 2026:

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to being with faith leaders of all kinds (Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist) praying together for peace and justice

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to walking with thousand in -40 degree wind chills with your eyelashes frosted white.

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to kneeling outside in prayer in front of the airport terminal waiting to be arrested

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to bringing a meal to a family freightened to leave their home

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to being a constitutional observer and blowing your whistle while taking video

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to being in a car observing (and warning others of) agents who terrorize your neighbors and then being shot in the face

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to being pushed to the pavement while helping others and being shot dead

    Take my hand and follow me

    It may lead to weeping, weeping, weeping

    Take my hand and follow me

    It has lead to a place shrouded in darkness; yet, my light is here too. Believe it!

  • Scrambling for a Foothold-January 19, 2026

    I’ll just start with the facts. I woke to negative 11 degrees Fahrenheit. I live in the Twin Cities area in Minnesota. I am a Christian of the catholic variety. I am financially well off. And, for the past 2 weeks, I’ve been scrambling for a foothold.

    My recent days have been disordered. There is some routine like taking care of my granddaughter, making meals, cleaning the house, going for walks, attending work meetings for my local Master Gardener group; I read my daily scripture and my daily meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC), I go to church and I unintentionally hide from the presence of God.

    The “dire news overload of despotism, division, and moral outrage”* that is the reality for Minnesota right now, has sucked the light out of my life. I keep going back to my news resources multiple times a day and get lost in the scroll. I am listening for someone who can stop this unjust madness. I am looking for kindness when the ICE agents (yes even the ICE agents) slip on Minnesota ice. I am searching for understanding; for someone to explain what is happening and how to avoid the pending doom. I am watching for Justice. I am waiting for Mercy. And I hide in my routine and my home.

    The news and social media do not sooth my need. When I literally ache with the scariness and sadness of it all, I sooth my mind and body by binging a Netflix series. (Embarrassingly, I’m on season 8 of the Walking Dead and started Veronica Mars too). Anything to take my mind off it all. My husband says “you get in a foul mood”. How can I not? I fluctuate between panic and numbness.

    I am scrambling for a foothold. I think my faith and morning “reading ritual” will help me through. But I don’t let myself be calmed. I don’t let myself listen for the Lord’s word. I am not sitting in His presence.

    CAC theme for 2026 is Good News for a Fractured World. So, I’ll listen right now for some Good News. The readings today include Mark 2: 18-22 “new wine is poured into fresh skins”. Weird “word” for me to listen to today. What is the message?

    Sometimes I just free associate the “word” I hear in scripture. I need new skin. My skin needs to be new so that Jesus’s Way- a new way- can inhabit my being. Skin deep. Skin is the first thing other’s see of us. Skin protects us from the outside. Skin needs care to be healthy. Skin is fragile and strong at the same time. Skin can stretch. Skin has many colors. Most skin has some blemish. Skin bruises easily. Skin will reflect when our insides are sick or unhealthy as well as when our insides are healthy.

    In the past 6-12 months, many truths have soaked into my being. One truth is that God is with us, here and now. “For the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining” 1John 2. Even my panic, even my foul moods, all of my weakness do not impede the light. Remembering this truth requires daily (or even several times a day) quiet to listen. Then he can pour his spirit into me, Into my new, more resilient skin.

    His spirit provides me calm confidence even in the darkness .

    Jesus, today, I want to move my feet onto your path (again); to stop scrambling for a foothold in the surrounding morass. Once on your path, grasp my hand (again)to lead me to develop new habits and to be part of your light in these dark times.

    * quote from CAC excerpt 12/30/25 by Carmen Acevedo Butcher

  • To You I Lift my Soul

    The readings today are  Jonah 3:1-10 , Psalm 51 and Luke 11:29-32. The theme of the readings is harsh. I’m not drawn to them. A city awash in sin behaviors, hears Jonah’s message and everyone from king to servant repents, and God’s relents. Jesus says “”This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it, except the sign of Jonah.” I don’t like this verse. It’s so stark. “This generation is an evil generation”. Jesus, is being so blunt. Why? I am sitting her 2000+ years away and it’s like whiplash “Wait, What?” If someone said that today, so bluntly…I would likely write him off.

    And yet, I know the society I live in is not perfect. There is greed, deceitfulness, self-serving actions/agencies/people, apathy toward pain, hunger and suffering, very rich and very poor, inequality….the list goes on. More importantly, I know that I am not perfect. I incorporate into my daily life many of societies abnormal norms. Most, without acknowledgement but as a “right” of being an upper class American.

    Jesus says “this is an evil generation”. When I let myself hear it, my response is shame. Appropriate. I rarely get to the next response, though. I think about “giving to the poor or the food shelf”. Then, life’s responsibilities fill in my mind and the response is muted. Action is needed, but my will to do it is weak. Some other response is needed.

    David wrote this deeply personal psalm (51)

    Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
    in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
    Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
    and of my sin cleanse me.

    A clean heart create for me, O God,
    and a steadfast spirit renew within me.
    Cast me not out from your presence,
    and your Holy Spirit take not from me

    Did David experience this inconsistency of heart and spirit? He sounds as if he believes, that even though his response to God is weak , God’s love for him is goodness, is greatness, is compassion, is cleansing, is steadfast. How else could he ask for these things?

    Jesus says to the people in the reading above:
    “and there is something greater than Jonah here.”

    Jesus, I believe your presence in my life has more power and influence even than the words of Jonah (which changed the behavior of an entire city of people ). It’s like you’re saying to me “Wake up! and after you recognize what is happening around you and within you, hold fast to me….I will see your through…I am greater than the evil within and without you”.

    OK, I’ll take that. Help me hold fast to you, seek your face every day and have the fortitude to be the action you need in the world today. During this Lent want to turn toward you.

    I am listening to this beautiful prayerful song from Hope Publishing by Hannibal, as a way to sit in God’s presence, in His mercy and in the warmth of His light.

    To you, Lord, I Iift my soul, Lord I place you in control. Those who wait upon you will be blessed. Show me, Lord, which path to take, guide me in each choice I make. I am yours and I long for you each day, comfort me I pray. Lord, my heart I give to you, with my hands lift praise to you. Guide my feet to follow in your ways. God will pardon every sin, make me pure and whole again, in my soul residing day and night, warming me with holy light. Bring me out of my distress, guard my soul and deliver me. Heal my brokenness, bring me peace and rest. I wait upon you, Lord.

  • Drowning in chaos

    February 18, 2025

    Drowning in the chaos

    Yesterday, I chose to hide in movies by the end of the day. In an alternate world. I escaped.  I was bombarded with DT news yesterday.  Even hearing one, I suppose, well-meaning, young 23 yr old Republican saying (paraphrased) that “Everyone wants what DT is doing”.  And, only a few hundred demonstrated at our MN capitol today.  I heard a clip of a,  I suppose well-meaning, older lady expressing very unclear reasons why she was demonstrating against DT.  I find myself reading Panama’s and Ukraine’s and Europe’s responses to DT proposals and siding with them. I feel as if I am living in country in which I don’t identify.   He’s NOT my president.   THIS OVERWHELMS me and I have to LEAVE IT sometimes.  I have a sense of dread and fear that bad things are going to happen.

    On the other hand, my morning scripture readings and CAC meditations are emphasizing to me, how important changing myself is. How important it is to live in the world I am in.  With all my faults, with all the imperfections of others and society as a whole.  Without recognizing this, there is no need for my relationship with you.  Turning my inner and outer self to dwell in Him.  Not to dwell in the dim light of the world.  Forgiveness of “my enemies”.  Praying the Our Father.

    A dream I had last night was very emotional.  A man (DT?)  walked into my house.  I turned my back on him.  He tried to schmooze me, literally gently he leaned forward on my left from the back and tried to kiss my cheek.  I told him to “LEAVE me alone”.   I expressed anger at him.  I did not want him near me.  Then I said to him “I’ll get over the anger, but not now…”.   Why did I say that?  Who was this.  In the dream I really felt it was DT.  In reflection, I usually find I have to turn my dreams on end to understand them.  So was the man you, Jesus?   Am I to see you in all people, even in DT.     Am I really to pray for him.  He who will likely “blow up” some part of the world.  He who welcomes evil philosophies and appears to be an egomaniac showing no compassion.  How?  Is anyone else?  What will it matter?  Should I reach out to Maryann Budde? Is there someone in my little communities that I could pray with?  When? Where?    Show me Lord. 

    Today’s reading in Mark, you say to your disciples, ” Watch out, guard against the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod”.  Then you say to the disciples “Do you still not understand?”   I wonder if you were saying, pay attention to what I can do.” I feed the 5 thousand with 5 loaves, and the four thousand with 7 loaves.”    “Why waste your time with attention and worry of the powerful?  Set your eyes on me, tune your ears to my voice, soften your heart to my people. I will walk into your house of chaos, your house of dread, your house of anger and gently be with you, even if you say “leave me”, I am there.  I give you the gift of feeling my loving presence.”

    Light of the world, I pray this morning as your sun comes over the hills and shines through the tree tops into my front window: “The voice of the Lord is over the waters, the LORD, over vast waters.  The voice of the LORD is mighty; the voice of the LORD is majestic.  The Lord will bless his people with peace.”  Ps 29.     Thank you for your presence in my life even though I often just turn my back to you and become overwhelmed in the flood of chaos.  Help me to remember your loving presence today. 

  • Seeking the Light: Inspiration

    January 31, 2025

    The last two days, the self-doubt demon has got me by the tail again.  My thoughts sound like this “Why write down my feelings and thoughts? Who wants to hear what I think?  What difference will it make?  I am not new to writing a “journal”, I have years of pages.  I have stopped writing for extended periods before for a variety of reasons, I’ll likely stop again.”  These thoughts are hard to shake. 

    Here are some reasons that I chose to write my thoughts, especially during and after prayer time.  When I pray and write I feel God’s word more deeply, I focus and pray better, I can find peace and joy in small things.  When I pray and write since January 20, I feel more connected to God’s reign and less adrift in chaos.  Re-reading the post on January 26, I am struck that it was only 4 days, from my post about day-light overcoming dim-light.  And, by January 26 I was adrift in chaos and fear, until I re-oriented with the bible readings of the day. I lose focus, I lose touch with memory, I get distracted way too easily.  I’ve learned this lesson before, and yet stopped the writing before.   One example was during the Pandemia.  I remember the fear of an unknown like no other. I prayed and wrote then,  and I eventually stopped writing again.

    I’m choosing to keep my inner self (my soul) oriented on the Light of Jesus Christ, on His healing.  I believe that this orientation toward Him, is a NEED, not just a desire a want.  It’s always been a need.  These TROUBLED times emphasis to me again, it’s a need.  Jesus, send me the Grace to keep focused in you.     

    Choosing to see  signs of Light in the world. 

    The joy and the full body involvement in life that Vivi Lou has in everything she does.  My granddaughter is 27 months old and life is clearly a gift she is enjoying. 

    Becky Schuller’s newspaper column in the Pine City Pioneer (Minnesota) January 23, 2025:  “I imagine that there are amazing neighborhoods (with amazing neighbors) through out Pine City where kindness is a common occurrence. Yet in a world obsessed with social media, kindness doesn’t seem to make the news any longer, and the negativity is always getting the spotlight.  As I embark into the new year at the Chamber office, I’ve set a goal to focus on the positive things in our community and shine a light on all of the good things that are happening here.”

    February 7, 20205

    https://www.facebook.com/share/v/12EVdHJUzd2

    From CAC (Center for Action and Contemplation): The prophets continue to invite us into this fearless commitment to the values of liberation, love, and justice. The prophet knows their calling is not tidy, pretty, or neat. It is a trudge through the mud of life alongside the few who believe in the same values and hold the same commitments.   
    —Cassidy Hall, Author and podcaster Cassidy Hall 

    I hope that you can watch the above video. See the joy in Laura’s call as she works to create a welcoming space in this small area in St Louis. There are angels amongst us!

    Let brotherly love continue.
    Do not neglect hospitality,
    for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels….for he has said, I will never forsake you or abandon you.     Hebrews 13: 1 & 5